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If the best way to learn how to write a college admissions essay is to read one that worked, the second best way is to read one that didn’t. One of the most important pieces of college applications is the essay. Most colleges ask for essays to learn more about who you are beyond the facts and figures of the application form. Essays demonstrate your writing skills, critical thinking, and personal influences. The following essay was written by Keith and illustrates what you should avoid in your work. After the essay we discuss why it was such a failure. Use this opportunity to learn from Keith’s mistakes and let his misfortune help you create a winning essay. My Wish To End Homelessness By: Keith If I had only one wish in life, I would wish to end homelessness in the world. In America, homelessness is one of our biggest problems. There are simply too many people without a place to live, without food to eat, and without clothes to ward off the winter wind. It is to help these huddled masses that I would like to fulfill my wish. I first learned of the plight of the homeless last Thanksgiving when my Social Studies class took a trip to our city’s homeless shelter to help serve meals. It was one of the most eye-opening experiences I ever had. Before, I had never been to a homeless shelter. I had never touched a homeless person or even talked to one. The only homeless people I knew were the ones who held the signs at the side of the freeway saying “Will Work for Food” or who asked if I could spare a quarter. But here I was confronted with the stark reality of the evils in our country. Seeing how these people really lived changed my life completely. After going to the homeless shelter last year, I realized that homeless people are human beings. They have feelings and they have dreams. They need to eat and sleep and deserve to at least have a roof over their weary heads. It is my greatest dream to solve the homeless problem. I think that there are many things that we can do to address this issue if only every person in America would take just a moment to realize the depth of this problem. Together we can work to find a solution. Homeless people need food, clothes, shelter, and work. If only we can meet these simple, basic human needs we could, in a single day, wipe out the problem of homelessness. We truly need to work together as human beings on our shared Planet Earth to make sure that every person has a home. Comments On “My Wish To End Homelessness” Keith writes what we call the “Miss America” essay. Like contestants in the Miss America pageant, Keith professes in a melodramatic and overly emotional tone a desire to solve a serious social problem, which clearly cannot be easily resolved. Notice that Keith never mentions what he has done since discovering the plight of the homeless nor does he even try to expound on his vague idea of a solution. This essay reveals either his naiveté or simply a lack of effort to consider his topic carefully. At all costs, avoid writing a “Miss America” essay. Do not write about your plan to personally end worldwide problems such as war, hunger, or poverty. Do not write about your life long dream to hug every child, to stop gang warfare, or to quell the drug trade. These are the unrealistic and trite wishes that Miss America wannabes robotically repeat. While these can be excellent topics, if you choose them, keep your essay focused and centered on what you have done. It’s okay to mention your dream for a better tomorrow. Just don’t make it your whole essay. Also note that Keith shamelessly steals well-worn phrases from such places as the Statue of Liberty. Get some originality! If you would like to read more successful and unsuccessful essays, please refer to our book Get Into Any College: Secrets Of Harvard Students, which has an entire chapter with 23 actual college admissions essays.
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